Losing a child but not hope

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By Mehwish Bucha 

Sophia, baby daughter of Mehwish, is now an angel.
She was born on 11th January 2013 and passed away on 17th January 2013.

The loss of a child is the most devastating thing that can happen to someone. You can kind of call it the ultimate tragedy . Whenever that day crosses my mind the emotions feel very raw and new . The loss of a child leaves you with a pain that stays within you forever. The loss and grief is not fixable ever and we just learn to move on with the bits and pieces of whatever memory that is left of them . A relationship that a mother has can compare to no other.

A mother grows the child in her own body for 9 whole months, feels it’s every move and finally goes through the most intense labor pain just to be with their child. But when that child is taken away, it doesn’t really matter what was the age of the child because the pain in the heart is exactly the same.

Surviving the death of a child takes up a lot of dedication which can last a life time . Every parent’s way of dealing with the loss is different.

I can speak for my own self only and say that my grief was replaced with guidance from the ultimate Master our Rubb. The feeling of rejection and failure lead me closer to my religion . Where I heard a lot of people who wanted to blame the Almighty, I on the other had found comfort and healing through it.

I know there are so many mothers across the globe who have faced this loss and not everyone has religion to hold on too so I want to reach out to them and extend my hand and my story to them .

No two stories are the same but dear grieving mums let me tell you that we bleed the same way from inside out when we lose a child . The pain is unexplainable and there is no one there who can truly understand us.
I first want to reach out to you and tell you that it is okay if you are still grieving and it’s ok if you can’t move on, it’s ok to have all these million questions in your head … why did this happen? What I did wrong ? Why me? And so on … but know my dearest mothers that there is still a lot of hope in this world for us . There is still a lot of love for us , there is still joy in living and learning how to breathe again. These endless days of not knowing how to function again will end , sleepless nights and scary dreams will end , the day will shine again for us all… 

Don’t let anyone tell you what is ok to do and what is not ok! This is all about healing you . If you don’t want to go the graveyard then no guilt trip needed and if you want to go spend hours there then know one dare tell you to move on…

Your grief is your pain so take all the time in the world to heal because I know you will heal just because I did and a million strong and brave women and girls out there have done this already.

I have to tell you that after my baby was buried and I went to her grave after a year, I was surrounded with so many babies, toddlers and children’s graves and it made me so sad but at the same time it gave me hope as well . It showed me if other mothers made it then so can I…..Remember one thing that now you will live your life very differently than before because you lost a piece of yourself but you will learn how to live again !! Let’s not leave each other alone and extend our hand to each other to help and to learn and above all this to heal.